The Dead Horse Interchange

Assiman Podcast: Episode 2

Monty — Thu, 17 May 2012 14:14:50 +0000

>17/100: Three reviews in one go!

Ebeeto — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 23:41:00 +0000

>Today, I submitted three reviews in one go for PC Gamer Sweden. Sonic CD, Sonic 4 ep. 1 and Sonic Casino Nights. I think I’m slowly turning into one of those obnoxious Sonic people. It could happen. I feel the need to become a brony and a Sonic fanboy just to be able to tell my grandkids about the crazy Internet days.

- When we weren’t writing fanfiction about hedgehogs, we were all ejaculating on girl’s plastic toys.

- That’s sick and twisted.
- Oh, what can I say. It was the 2010′s.

>16/100: My Sonic recolor

Ebeeto — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 00:17:00 +0000

>In order to establish myself as a proper Internet person, I should at least create my own Sonic recolor. Feast your eyes on this:

This is Shimmel the Hedgehog. He’s a very hip, Jewish gay art director who works for an extremely trendy creative studio in downtown Green Hill Zone. He’s wearing black plastic glasses even though he knows it’s hipster, but he’s so aware of it that it’s not hipster anymore. When he’s not enjoying a chai latte with his Mac Book Pro in his lap, he’s adding to his portfolio of neo-classicism pop art. Look forward to his next vernissage at a renowned gallery in Vienna, that’s so exclusive it doesn’t even have a proper name.

>15/100: I have a dream

Ebeeto — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 00:11:00 +0000

>This is the speech I gave at the stop ACTA rally this Saturday. In Swedish. I’ll make sure to fix a translation for tomorrow.

>14/100: ACTA protest

Ebeeto — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 00:23:00 +0000

Today I gave a short speech at an anti-ACTA rally. Unfortunately, I haven’t found any footage of that yet. I shot some video over there aswell, but it won’t see the light of day until tomorrow. It’s late and I managed to get really tired from the protest and then watching the Swedish Eurovision thingamajig. I’m still having a little crush on Loreen and her song is so far the best. Last year’s “My heart is refusing me” was an awesome song. I said that from the start. So there. I feel like a fucking blogger. I’ll have a cold shower and put a razorblade to my inner thighs as punishment.

>13/100: Album Covers

Ebeeto — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 00:24:00 +0000

>We settled for the name Furfag Flabby Fuckfatties Fuckplatypus. Expect us in concert halls around the globe in 2015. During a livestream that nobody cared about, I managed to create these works of wonderful cover artwork.

>12/100: Band names

Ebeeto — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 22:39:00 +0000

>Me and Monty decided to come up with a hip and interesting band name without having any actual music to speak of. Music is overrated unless you have a nice band name, anyway. This is what we managed to discuss.

[23:03:51] Montlygon: Also, bandnames.
[23:04:03] Montlygon: We need to form a band for that Soundcloud page I have up.
[23:05:07] Ebeeto: I think I might have just herped.
[23:05:31] Montlygon: Cool, but we need something a little shorter than that.
[23:05:58] Montlygon: trollface.wag
[23:07:15] Ebeeto: But long band names are all the rage.
[23:07:30] Ebeeto: Excuse me while I grind up against your shoulder on the bus
[23:09:27] Ebeeto: Pathology, Rice Bowl Sinners, Ingenious Idiots, Ramcloth, Slightly taller in real life, Without Direction, Gas Station Monikers, Aslan is a Lion, Crumpet Trumpet, Doggerland
[23:09:44] Ebeeto: Lords of Doggerland
[23:09:49] Montlygon: “Ramcloth” – I loled.
[23:09:55] Ebeeto: Niggerville Orchestra
[23:10:03] Montlygon: That too.
[23:10:19] Montlygon: We need more heavy metal umlauts.
[23:10:36] Ebeeto: Queens of The Niggers
[23:10:43] Ebeeto: Smells like Teen Niggers
[23:10:44] Montlygon: Niggers of the Niggers
[23:10:53] Ebeeto: Assiman’s Army
[23:10:54] Montlygon: Niggers of Nigger Niggers
[23:11:02] Montlygon: Nigger Nigger Nigger Nigger
[23:11:04] Ebeeto: Electric Nigger Orchestra
[23:11:09] Ebeeto: ENO
[23:11:26] Montlygon: CREATIVITY!
[23:11:33] Ebeeto: Mrs. Roberts is a whore no matter what the reverend says
[23:11:48] Ebeeto: I walked a mile and fell down flat
[23:11:53] Ebeeto: One step behind
[23:12:00] Ebeeto: Great Value
[23:12:03] Montlygon: Webster’s Shitglass
[23:12:08] Ebeeto: lol
[23:12:32] Ebeeto: Amazing Fails
[23:12:33] Montlygon: Robinson’s Anal Fissure
[23:12:43] Ebeeto: Anal Excavation part deux
[23:12:45] Montlygon: Sudosmet
[23:12:51] Ebeeto: METAL!
[23:12:57] Montlygon: Smegmal
[23:12:57] Ebeeto: Sudosmet-42
[23:13:15] Ebeeto: U2-UB40-BSB
[23:13:17] Montlygon: Mentoborlto
[23:13:26] Ebeeto: Brall
[23:13:43] Ebeeto: Forelar
[23:13:52] Montlygon: Filmjolber
[23:13:55] Ebeeto: Parlor Pissings
[23:14:05] Ebeeto: Brilkram
[23:14:13] Ebeeto: Frarklanrarah
[23:14:25] Ebeeto: The Fail Out Louds
[23:14:28] Montlygon: Soldalbramtestes
[23:14:37] Ebeeto: This is going nowhere
[23:14:44] Ebeeto: Going Nowhere
[23:14:53] Montlygon: I’ll make a list and we can fuck with the letters.
[23:15:01] Ebeeto: Fuck
http://www.myspace.com/goingnowhere
[23:15:18] Montlygon: Niggerball.
[23:15:28] Montlygon: That was a bandname and a curse.
[23:15:37] Ebeeto: Negroballs
[23:15:54] Ebeeto: Going nowhere isn’t very good.
[23:15:55] Montlygon: You know we can’t use niggers in our band.
[23:16:05] Ebeeto: “No niggers allowed”
[23:16:10] Ebeeto: Back of the bus
[23:16:16] Ebeeto: Bus the backers
[23:16:23] Ebeeto: Tobacco bralls
[23:16:31] Ebeeto: Bralls of Fire
[23:16:32] Montlygon: Teenage Autogyro.
[23:16:40] Ebeeto: Teenhate Bralls
[23:16:48] Montlygon: Taintburn.
[23:16:48] Ebeeto: I am loling at this shit.
[23:16:59] Montlygon: So am I.
[23:17:04] Ebeeto: Raffrum Prawlers
[23:17:14] Ebeeto: Imagine that on a concert poster.
[23:17:22] Montlygon: Testesmokeball.
[23:17:24] Ebeeto: Concert Poster (UK + SWE)
[23:17:48] Montlygon: DJing only on Wednesday: Taintburn!
[23:18:09] Ebeeto: DPing only on Wednesday: Testesmokeball
[23:18:34] Montlygon: Monoguitar.
[23:18:51] Ebeeto: Pseudohard Contraceptive Warriors of Eden
[23:18:57] Montlygon: Smells Like Someone Farted
[23:19:06] Ebeeto: Smells like Monty faaated
[23:19:12] Ebeeto: A Fat
[23:19:30] Ebeeto: Shercock Rockers
[23:19:37] Ebeeto: Flabby Fuckfatties
[23:19:57] Ebeeto: On stage: The Flabby Fuckfatties (UK)
[23:20:01] Montlygon: Slash My Paraneum
[23:20:16] Ebeeto: Inconsiderate Penetration
[23:20:21] Montlygon: Martin is a Cock
[23:20:38] Ebeeto: Cockmartin is a Mjölnir
[23:20:55] Montlygon: Aunt Jemimah’s Good Old Fashioned Roast
[23:21:12] Ebeeto: Breakfast Served Until 11
[23:21:17] Ebeeto: Jemimah’s Revenge
[23:21:31] Montlygon: Can’t Smell Fallujah
[23:21:44] Ebeeto: It’s always nice to have a city name in the title.
[23:21:48] Ebeeto: City Name Band
[23:21:59] Ebeeto: Late Nights with Aunt Jemimah in Rome
[23:22:10] Montlygon: Gothenburg Nights
[23:22:11] Ebeeto: Brussels Just Got Hotter
[23:22:48] Ebeeto: Chiefinspector Detective Superintendent John Barnaby from Causton CID
[23:22:56] Montlygon: Cologne’s Homunculus
[23:23:10] Ebeeto: Defective Superinspector Proctor
[23:23:33] Montlygon: Satan’s Urologist
[23:23:51] Montlygon: Do Not Tear
[23:24:14] Montlygon: Warranty Invalidated if Seal is Removed
[23:24:22] Ebeeto: With Furry Lurve From Switzerlounge
[23:24:31] Ebeeto: Varranty Woid
[23:24:42] Ebeeto: Wawaweewa Singers
[23:24:56] Montlygon: Sherlock’s Chalet
[23:25:32] Ebeeto: Great Falls of Niagara Goes Shopping on a Monday Afternoon and Forgets The Damn Shopping List
[23:25:38] Ebeeto: Shopping List
[23:25:50] Ebeeto: Butter Milk Bread Cereal Lube
[23:25:58] Montlygon: Ron Jeremy’s Pumping Nights
[23:26:10] Ebeeto: Ron Paul has one Testicle
[23:26:27] Ebeeto: Ron Weasley’s Uneven Pubes
[23:26:45] Montlygon: Scampismear.
[23:26:55] Ebeeto: Smeglogon.com
[23:27:10] Ebeeto: References You Don’t Get
[23:27:14] Montlygon: Arninkey
[23:27:51] Montlygon: Fordechiwai
[23:27:54] Ebeeto: Brainstorm Academy
[23:27:59] Ebeeto: Waifu Factory
[23:28:05] Montlygon: Install Gentoo
[23:28:17] Montlygon: Delete System 32
[23:28:35] Ebeeto: System 32 Rebels Strike Back at The Empire
[23:28:47] Montlygon: System of a Gentoo
[23:29:06] Ebeeto: Syndromatic Mjolnir Downers
[23:29:18] Ebeeto: Take Five and Call Me In The Morning
[23:29:29] Montlygon: Various Artists
[23:29:29] Ebeeto: Brall Brigade
[23:29:33] Ebeeto: Collaboration
[23:29:47] Ebeeto: Auto-Erotic Equinox
[23:30:11] Montlygon: Self Swerving Screwdriver Whip
[23:30:28] Ebeeto: The Beetles
[23:30:45] Ebeeto: The HIVers
[23:30:49] Ebeeto: The Rapists
[23:30:57] Montlygon: Turn Your Head and Cough
[23:31:08] Montlygon: Smell My Finger
[23:31:08] Ebeeto: Give Me Head and Choke
[23:31:26] Ebeeto: Touch The Area Between My Cock And Balls And Make It Tingle
[23:31:38] Montlygon: Memorabilia
[23:31:55] Ebeeto: Hard Rock Café Guatemala
[23:32:03] Montlygon: Handle My Scrote
[23:32:06] Ebeeto: Guatemolester
[23:32:12] Ebeeto: Scrote my Handle
[23:32:31] Ebeeto: Lindsay Johan
[23:32:43] Montlygon: Two Puffs and a Synthesizer
[23:32:58] Ebeeto: Four balls, two dicks and eternal virginity
[23:33:05] Ebeeto: (and a synthesizer)
[23:33:30] Montlygon: Savage Organ
[23:33:32] Ebeeto: The great thing is that about 25 percent of these names are probably already taken.
[23:33:42] Ebeeto: Original Bandname
[23:33:49] Montlygon: What if we combine for awesome?
[23:33:57] Ebeeto: Let’s combine them all.
[23:34:18] Ebeeto: Hey, you think this list is long enough to put on the 100 days wasted blog?
[23:34:29] Montlygon: Or we can pick one that sounds like it’s almost there.
[23:34:44] Montlygon: Oh hell yeah. Maybe just post the chatlog.
[23:35:00] Ebeeto: My idea exactly. Say hi to the Internet!
[23:35:09] Montlygon: Fuck all of you in the ass.
[23:35:15] Ebeeto: Marvelous.
[23:35:24] Montlygon: Indeed. It’s what I do best.
[23:35:33] Montlygon: Fuck everyone in the ass.
[23:36:51] Ebeeto: I might censor the n-words out, though…

>11/100: Year of the Dragon

Ebeeto — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 10:38:00 +0000

About a week ago, we entered the year of the dragon. According to old Chinese dudes with slim ‘staches, the dragon year is one of prosperity and greatness. This is obviously true, since I was born in the year of the dragon. Oooh! There I go with some Jim Sterling-esque self-hype (he’s crying on the inside, red eyes behind shades).

At first, I was gonna blame the dragon for the huge pile of bullshit I have to wade through right now. I’m not getting any money for school while I still have loans and bills to pay in a world where capitalism is moving ever closer to the breaking point and the Internet is under constant bombardment from those same desperate forces. When Konashion’s blog (Super Deepthroat developer) suddenly disappeared, I went into complete guerilla mode. Listening to Immortal Technique’s The Martyr and projecting my own Scandinavian web-centered worldview onto it. In the trenches in the heart of the war, that’s the place a martyr is born. Then, Konashion’s blog was back online. The downtime was mysterious but short-lived. I’m stuck in Internet guerilla warfare mode, though.

The Mayans knew about the downfall of free porn and pirated video games. How desperate forces, in their last rigor mortis twitching did not change their business models but rather tried to lock their competitors in prison.

I live in a part of the world where there’s no civil war and no recent war to feel all patriotic about. Why do we fight? We fight for truth. We fight for freedom. We fight for the motherfucking Internet.

A world where I can’t play hentai flash games is not a world that I want to live in.

>10/100: Screw it like Beckham

Ebeeto — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 23:55:00 +0000

I am in bed writing this. Mainly because I’m tired but also because I’m a huge faggot. My life for the horde! Sulligan’s mex tonight!

I’m standing in front of a barn door, wielding a rake. Not because a rake is the most effective weapon, but because it was the only thing nearby. Apart from a few loose planks and some crates, the area around the barn seem to have been cleaned out. Whatever was making that noise from inside had been tidy. Whatever it was, it had to be destroyed.

Townschildren had been disappearing for months. The time it took for us to realize who were behind the atrocities was enough for it to go underground. Like a teenage mutant ninja badger from Mars. And shit.

>9/100: Outsmarting a minibar

Ebeeto — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 04:25:00 +0000

>I’ve seen some sights and smells (and homeless people) of San Francisco today, but not before I completely destroyed the mere foundation of the minibar. All through cunning logic and wonderful people skills. Or something.